Girl Math.

I bristled as I heard my son Quin playfully toss the term to his fiancee. I had heard it before, but never really paid attention. Initially, I thought this must be an insult equivalent to throwing like a girl or gossiping like an old woman. But as I silently fumed, Yasmin laughed … while completely ignoring him. Because she is quietly independent and holds a duo degree in Accounting and Business, I decided that my indignation must be misplaced.

So, what is Girl Math?

Like most things I’m clueless about, the term got its legs on TikTok. According to Samantha James, who’s credited with popularizing the concept, Girl Math is a loose set of rules that “takes away the shame of spending money.”

And the rules … well, they’re more like guidelines. Some of the most popular are:

1. If it costs less than $5, it is virtually free.

2. Returns are the same as discounts, so if you return a $25 item but purchase something for $50, it only costs you $25

3. If you bought an item at a thrift for $3, but it’s worth $70, then you didn’t spend any money. Instead, you saved $67.

4. Canceled plans are not only a source of unclaimed cash but also an excuse to spend that money.

Girl Math has also been described as the “economic gymnastics” people use to justify discretionary spending. It’s a bit of a game. It’s seen as healthy when essential bills are prioritized. As long as your choices fit your budget, it’s fun.

Fast forward a bit and I was staring down Valentine’s Day. Maybe early on Bill and I exchanged gifts and shared romantic dinners … maybe. There were years of making homemade valentines for classes, special outfits for school, and heart-shaped sugar cookies. Basically, we focused on the kids’ experiences. Now that we are empty-nesters, it seemed time to celebrate our relationship more formally.

As luck would have it, there was a perfect event combining dinner and a show. The tickets were more than I would normally spend, but, hey, it was a special occasion. There was another catch. Looking over the ad, I realized my daily retirement wear wouldn’t be appropriate. It would be at least $100 to update my wardrobe, not to mention the time wasted in my least favorite occupation — dress shopping. While I mulled over whether the event was worth the cost, Bill came down with a terrible cold, not just a “man cold.” Plan A was abandoned, saving us $300 or so. Girl Math.

We planned on simply going out to eat instead. If we spent $75, we were still ahead financially. Why, we were practically making money. When February 14th arrived, Bill was coughing and hacking too much to even participate in Plan B, so that money was saved.

I passed on buying myself a flower bouquet from the grocery store — another $25 unspent. No greeting card? $5 added to the kitty. We were now easily up $330.

Trying to salvage my vision of a romantic Valentine’s Day I suggested an at-home celebration.

“Why don’t we get take-out and rent a movie? By canceling our plans, I figure we are ahead by almost $350. So, no matter what we order, it will be practically free.”

A slight grunt was the only indication Bill heard me. His eyes were glued to the television, watching a rerun of the 1998 World Series.

“Well? What do you think? Should we order? Maybe watch a Rom-Com?”

Bill turned and looked at me, with a smidge of a twinkle in his eyes. “You know what saves the most money?” He paused for a moment. “Not spending it.”

And that’s where Girl Math had a head-on collision with Husband Math.