The unwatched pot will always burn the eggs. (Provided photo — Diane Chase)

I have a friend who claims she has the secret to making the perfect in-shell, hard-cooked egg, not too dry and not runny. I am all for learning new things, so I’ve tried her techniques. I still can’t get the peel off the egg.

Another person told me the egg interior sticks to the shell because the eggs are too fresh.

I need to make sure eggs are at least two weeks old before attempting to make deviled eggs. Why are things so complicated? It’s an egg.

I’ve tried cooking them in a muffin pan at 325 for about 30 minutes and cooling them in an ice bath. I’ve placed eggs in a pan of cool water, brought them to a boil, and set them aside. I’ve used an Instapot (once) and simmered and steamed eggs. It’s been my test kitchen attempt for a seamlessly peeled, fully-cooked egg. It’s as if those eggs are a puzzle box, and I can’t find the key. I occasionally get the perfect egg but can’t remember how to replicate the situation.

I would like to know the failure statistics for all those jarred pickled pre-cooked eggs. What is their success rate? Does every whole-boiled egg sold have a mate that ends as an egg salad sandwich?

I don’t need to learn to cook. I need to watch what I cook. In a kitchen full of eggs-periments, the hardest lesson to learn has been to keep an eye on the stove. “A watched pot may never boil,” but an unwatched pot will fill a house with smoke. I was lucky. It also showed me that our fire alarms need batteries and that I have good neighbors who will alert me to trouble, especially when the smoke is pouring out the front door.

Someone may be telling me that deviled eggs are too fancy and I should just put mustard and paprika into my egg salad and call it a day. Darn those deviled eggs. Why are they so tasty?

Fire Prevention Week may have just ended, but please don’t let a burned pot of boiled eggs be the reason for you to test your fire alarms. Be safe!