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In the 'Tube

These are not the fight scenes you’re looking for

November 11, 2008

Now, call me a Sith Lord, but I tend to think in absolutes. Either something is worth watching, or it isn’t. There’s really no go-between. In binary terms, it’s either a 1 or a 0. So if I’m going to watch a fight scene, I’m not just going to watch any fight scene. I’m going to hunt down the most uber fight scene like it’s a voodoo-using drug lord and I’m a bloodthirsty, revenge-seeking Steven Seagal. Yeah, kind of like he did in “Marked for Death.” The funny thing about the video labeled “Best fight scene of all time” on YouTube, though, is that it is not the best scene. By any means. Though it has gotten nearly three million views, this particular specimen is an exercise in both awkward homoeroticism and gratuitous violence. Not necessarily a winning combination. So, OK. I messed up and found a weird, but funny, video instead of the coolest fight ever. Let’s make like “The Transporter” and shift gears. We’re going to set our standards as low as possible, switch our phasers

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Walken the talk

October 28, 2008

Christopher Walken is the Chuck Norris of awesomeness. Like James Lipton — the host of “Inside the Actor’s Studio” — and a drunken David Hasselhhoff, Walken doesn’t have to try to be funny. He just is.

Christopher Walken is the reason w

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A groove no mere mortal can resist

October 15, 2008

It’s that time of year again. You’ve finally got that new, unoriginal Halloween costume all ready, and you’re just itching to get to the party.

People are always saying that you look mildly like Johnny Depp (maybe it’s the dreadlocks?),

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Snakes, like, everywhere

October 1, 2008

While shopping for a Halloween costume this weekend, I had to ask myself: What really scares me?

“Huge crocodiles living in Lake Placid,” I said, checking the price on a Sarah Palin mask.

“Obviously,” I replied.

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What a croc!

September 10, 2008

I remember the first time I saw him. It’s still so fresh in my mind — like it happened yesterday. What could I do? I’d had my share of drinks that night. But just the same, there it was, coming out of the water toward me.

Of course, I’m

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For sale: 1 room, 2 story, gingerbread

August 27, 2008

Ah, gingerbread — that Fig Newton of holiday treats that defies easy definition, that John F. Kennedy of buttery biscuits that dares to be different.

To the Gingerbread Man, gingerbread was everything: His larynx, his big toe, his muscul

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