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Worst team ever
September 6, 2012 - John Stack
January 4, 2007. Place: Romney Mansion, secondary main bedroom suite (the one with the in ground pool with sharks that can shoot frickin laser beams) “Hey Ann! Guess what I did today? “ “Well, after 4 years of being the Massachusetts first lady, I hope you are going to tell me we are Finally buying the State of Utah and keeping out all of those…not as rich..or white..or Mormon.. as us. I don’t want to have to work anymore. This first lady business takes up a good 7-8 hours of my time per month.” “Nope. Bigger. My buddy Ernie McCracken taught me that if you have enough money, you can buy anything. I want to buy the presidency. I started an exploratory committee today, and I’m scheduled with Beelzebub this afternoon about a long term return on my soul”
“But sugar dumpling, you are a Republican. You have stood up for Planned Parenthood, you created RomneyCare in Massachusetts and raised fees well over a billion dollars to balance the budget. For the Olympics, you got the US to spend hundreds of millions of dollars of taxpayer money. And if anyone ever finds out how many skeletons there are in your Bain closet, your only friends will be Dick Cheney and Karl Rove”. “Don’t you worry your pretty head now. I have instructed my guys at Bain Capital to keep a lid on it. They are tighter than the gender code at Augusta. That reminds me, I gotta call them this morning an give them the go ahead to shutter that plastics plant in Muskegon. It might put 6,500 people out of work and cripple the town, but there are plenty of 9 year olds in Malaysia that will be happy to be able to work 14 hours a day for 15 cents an hour!”
“Anyways Ann, I saw a pillar of fire that told me this was my destiny!” “But Lumpy, that was just David Koch whispering in your ear last week at the book burning”” Nevertheless, I can do this. I’ve all ready destroyed every computer drive I could get my hands on from my administration over the last 4 years. I’m going to pull a reverse Joseph Smith, and hide as much about my actual past and lie about or hide anything else that might reflect poorly on me.
May 2012. Aboard Romney Lear Jet Alpha. “What did I tell ya 5 years ago Ann? I’m darn close to having this election bought. I’ve lied and manipulated and misrepresented enough in the last six months and its starting to pay off. Heck, there’s no way I could have done this with a soul. Glad I got rid of it back in 07. “ “Now I need a running mate who can keep up with me “ “Lets see. Paul Ryan has mustered through 33 votes to defund ObamaCare. Who on earth would go through such a pointless and fruitless and costly effort to just shore up the base nuts? He’s gotta be my guy. “
June 2012. Underground Lair. “Paul my man! Lets see if you’ve got the Right Stuff. Now, what do we do about your Medicaid plan? Voters, especially seniors can never vote for that plan. “ “Now Mitt, I myself sold my soul a long time ago. I have no conscience either. Now, we start hammering the Democrats about them CUTTING Medicare! We tell them that Obama wants to cut Medicare 700 Billion” “Uh..Paul, you actually use the same plans in your own budget, and the 700 billion doesn’t cut Medicare, it actually keeps Medicare solvent 10 extra years” “Mitt! It’s a lie of OMISSION! We aren’t saying Obama is cutting anyone’s benefits, we are saying that $700 billion that would have flowed into Medicare is no longer flowing in. Who cares if it’s because of cost containment measures and combatting fraud! The base tastes blood in the water!” “Looks like you are my man Paul. Now I just need 8 years of your tax returns”” but you only showed one partial year yourself Mitt””Come on. I’m trying to WIN an election; I’m not trying to be helpful. If they got hold of my returns from to 90’s? Whew!! No sir, we will NOT go there!”
August 12 2012 “Well Paul, you are now on the ticket. Now remember, we don’t talk about RomneyCare, or the 4 other wives of mine I keep on a farm in Ogden. And remember, the Koch brothers are actually full blood partners with satan, so any ‘trips off the reservation and you’ll find yourself in a hunting group with Dick Cheney. Anyway. What now? ”Well, I say we start by hitting the Democrats with claiming that Obama’s Welfare reform, which is the best change since Clinton, is actually letting those low life poor people collect welfare checks without any expectation of working” “Remember, its about WINNING, not about truth or facts. Let’s go!!!”
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