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Non-existent friends

August 29, 2011 - John Stack
I woke up this morning only to realize I had lost a few of my friends. No, they didn’t die, or disappear in the flood. Turns out they never existed. I mean, I can walk downtown today and look into their places of business, see them working, and helping out people who come in for assistance. But they don’t exist. Because this morning I am informed by none other than Linda Harvey that lesbians, gays and transgendered people don’t exist. And I just don’t mean don’t exist like my liberal Catholic pistol permit holding sister or my socially liberal and conservatively fiscal family and friends who supposedly don’t exist.

Linda Harvey is a right wing nut job Christian related uninformed kook who makes Michele Bachmann look like the voice of reason. On her website, she seems to have the market cornered on hateful spewing about anything her and her Judeo-Christian belief system don’t like or can’t abide. Anti Muslim. Natch. Anti gay (obviously) tirades against neo-paganism and witchcraft. And of course feminists. She claims to have spoken on Capitol Hill and testified in front of many state legislative committees.

Gay bashing, ‘gayness can be cured’ and trying to limit the rights of any and all gays is a common conservative talking point. I understand that, and assume these people are either just bigots, uninformed or people who uninformedly or ignorantly listen too closely to their religious leaders. But Linda the Crusader has taken it to new limits. Gays, lesbians and trangendered people just plain don’t exist. Over ten million people who identify as homosexual DON’T exist. Lets see if I misunderstood her : “There’s one big fact that’s not backed up. There is no proof that there’s ever anything like a gay, lesbian or bisexual or transgendered child, or teen or human.” Hmmm. Maybe there is room for ambiguity in there ya think. Lets see what else she had to say: ‘The PR campaign to hold up gay as a good thing: the lifestyle, not the person, because there are no such humans.’ Uh, Linda, I can’t say I can follow here. Exactly what kind of proof do you need? If you truly believe gay people don’t exist, how can you actually hold a religious viewpoint? When it comes to proof, the scale of ‘is religion true’ vs ‘are there gays’ it’s like a ton of rocks on the gay side and a feather on the other.

Thing is her website touts her legislative appearances. I guess this is akin to Fox News and their ‘Fair and Balanced’ – they point to Alan Colmes when someone says all their commentators are Conservative blowhards. 40 to 1, and the Liberal is an embarrassment to Liberals. Maybe they use her like TV stations interview people on the street. Sure, they interview some people like you and I, but they always get some wide eyed yokel who looks like a cross between a Hatfield from Appalachia and a crack addict from Tampa ‘Sure, I done seen the varmit! I was sure Army Geddin was comin’ when I sawed that helly copper flewed by and scared my sheeps so much I thut I’s a gonna haveta stop watchin the Darlington 500 or sumtin, man. ‘ Maybe she’s the go-to gal for funny anecdotes to make us all feel better we don’t have relatives as crazy as her.

Unfortunately, she is not alone. She has a radio show, and people not only listen, a radio station lets her use the air time. I would have to say if Hillary Clinton started saying we needed to bomb Canada because they had monopolized the back bacon market, I would have to say we needed to find a new Secretary of State. I think at least most people would feel this way (the left because we figured she was just too crazy and the right because they would get rid of any democrat). Unfortunately, it doesn’t swing both ways. Bachmann and Perry’s poll numbers seem to shoot up every time they say something ludicrous. ‘I promise $2 a gallon gas and we will drill in the Everglades’ -5% pop for Bachmann. Every time Rick Perry says something that is totally contradictory to what he published in a book – LAST YEAR – not 20 years ago when he was a democrat – his numbers jump.

Note to all. Gays exist. Everywhere. In your family. Some of your friends. People who wait on you. Lots of people you see on TV and movies. People who take care of you at the hospital. Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me the Great Pumpkin doesn’t exist.


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